Something craptastic happens like not sleeping because you have loud people banging around downstairs until all hours of the night and you have to work and it’s Monday which usually means Difficult Co-worker is in a super bad mood and is in lecture mode all day or is honing the special skill of making everyone else feel like a piece of gum on the bottom of a shoe. But then the Benevolent Universe steps in and shields you from all this and puts Difficult Co-worker in a decent mood so the lecturing is minimal and there are even pleasantries exchanged and you don’t want to hit Difficult over the head with your clipboard or wrap your hands around Difficult’s neck. Not even once for a nanosecond. Mean Girl Universe also degreed it was necessary for you to work this week but her sweet sister gives you two really incredibly quiet days and you get to work in a normal fashion rather than the usual stressed-out frenzy.
And then someone in your life decides to put your schedule and your sixteen year old son’s schedule in a blender so he can accompany his adorable wife, Alexis (her name means “bitch who will be obeyed” in Italian and my apologies to you if your name or someone super great in your life is named Alexis) to a “trade show” in Las Vegas. When really all he should be doing is staying behind so he can make a little cash to contribute towards his older son’s college tuition. So you get super mad, like stomping mad and you include his name and the word “ass hat” in a Facebook status update for the world to see which completely affirms you really is a nine year old. But then you get invited to a birthday party which is featuring big festive hats, champagne and high tea. So the Universe tries to make the blenderized schedule all better with a silly party in honor of the royal wedding and the Universe even puts it on a day you can go without worrying about having to pick up someone or take someone somewhere. But really that’s a payback because you were invited to go see a fabulous show featuring Yves St Laurent’s work but the invite fell on a work day and you can’t call in sick for Yves St. Laurent (unless of course your Gia and it’s 1983 and you’re “sick” from snorting too much cocaine).
Suppose the snarky Universe decides the weather should be about fifteen degrees below the week’s average and there is a cold wind most of the time making it too cold to work outside if you are a normal person and not an Eskimo from northern Canada or a polar bear. But then the Nice Helpful Universe steps in and gives you rain every night and thunder so it sounds like spring. So when you are about to go to sleep you can pretend it’s going to be 80 degrees the next day. Helpful Universe also stepped in and warmed up your part of the Earth on Thursday, too.
What if Selfish Universe didn’t think it was a good idea for you to go to with an editor from Rough Guides because you didn’t win the travel scholarship. The good news: your nights won’t be spent fussing over the fact you don’t know how to sea kayak or could possibly be lost forever in the Istanbul Agra or faced with unemployment when you return from your adventure. The bad news: you don’t get to quit your day job because you’re a writer for Rough Guides. The good news: you don’t have to stay in youth hostels lying awake at night listening to the Gap Year kids’ horking up third world hooch while you scratch at bed bug bites because you write for Rough Guides.
Finally, let’s say you are in a rush at Albertson’s and you manage to drop your phone into a sink where water is running at geyser force and your phone is immersed in soapy water just long enough to render it super wet and almost useless. Good thing you had already outfoxed this trickster Universe because not two hours before this soggy gaff you ordered a new Super Special Phone. And now you can laugh at the Universe because just before you started the whole hand washing, you were in full fret mode over the expenditure for a gadget you didn’t really need but just wanted to have. Now that was a neat trick, outsmarting the Universe before she outsmarted you! No need for guilt because you maimed your phone!