Finally.

Finally my scattered brain can manage to sit down and compose a coherent thought. At least a list of thoughts.

I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the idea I was in India a couple of weeks ago. I came home to a full plate of work, a dusty house, Christmas begging to be taking care of, and a kid with senioritis. Who can blame him, he got into the college of his choice with a swell financial package, and he would have to kill a man to lose his entrance. But that would mean he had the motivation to actually get out of bed and do something. So nah…he’s not going to kill a man. Beav will make it college despite his half-assed attendance the last two weeks. Hell they still let me into college and my attendance record was worse than Wally’s (this is an achievement)

So much happened while I was on the subcontinent, too! There was a big hurricane. I had no idea how terrible it was until well after it happened. The only way I knew anything about it was Mr. Singh our adorable taxi driver read part of the newspaper article to me in the Delhi paper.  I rode in the front seat of the car and discovered we had a lot in common: sons the same ages and both of us are 51. I wanted to talk BeeGees with him but that would have gotten in the way of seeing the sites.

We re-elected Barack Obama, too. I have mixed feelings about this. Not because I’m a big fan of Romney but because Obama is not Mrs. Clinton. She should be president. So every time someone else is elected president I’m going to be sad until she is in the White House and we can watch Bill in all his first husband hijinks.

My state stayed blue and made marijuana legal. I received fifteen dollars worth of text messages telling me pot was legal. I find this hilarious because I’m not a big fan of pot because it isn’t a big fan of me.  Fortunately, the corporation sent me an email explaining that despite the legality, it was not permissible to use THC at work.

Email missives like that beg for responses like this:

“Thank you for clarifying the policy for using marijuana while on duty at the hospital. It’s helpful to know mind-altering substances are not permitted while I am on duty in the role of Registered Nurse. I do have one question: Does this mean keeping a bottle of vodka in my desk drawer is out of the question? Finally, could you please advise me when the inservice explaining exactly how to don and doff pants is taking place. I’m finding I need help in this area of my life.”

Meanwhile, in the department of Klassy, three days before we left for India, I was eating lunch at work with Fern and an elderly overlay on my second molar popped off. Fortunately, Fern has a strong stomach and didn’t blanch when I spit it out in my hand and said: “Oh look it’s the top of my tooth!” At least, I didn’t fall off my bike and break my arm. If you run into me in a couple of weeks I’ll show you my new iPhone because it’s in my mouth and looks just like a molar.

Finally, we travel ten thousand miles, eat our weight in questionable food (but oh my God it was tasty) and what happens? The Girl ends up with food poisoning from the Thai place a half a mile from our front door. Fantastic.

It put “Eat, Pray, Barf” in an entirely new light.

Watch this space. I’ll be back. And I’ll be offering helpful links to other places where you can read about our adventures.