These last days are harder than I thought they would be. And tomorrow is It.  I worked with all my oldest work buddies today, we laughed and cried together. My office mate the last two weeks was the nurse who showed me the ropes and trained me to do clinical lead on the rehab unit. She hasn’t recovered from chemotherapy.  It’s her second breast cancer rodeo. I’m terrified she will die before her grandson’s are young men.

If Kipper (RIP) or Mabel had pulled this prank this would have happened

“OMGWHATAREYOUDOING??? GETOUTTAMYGARDEN NOOOOOWWWWWWW!”

But instead this happened:

“Winston! What the heck? Whatareyoudoin? what is the silly puppy doing!” It’s like he’s the grand dog or something. He was so cute wandering around with it in his mouth I should have taken video.

I blame TG for ever giving him a bite of cucumber. Now the dog is hooked, he wouldn’t let go when I reached to take it from his mouth! Whoa, Winston! Cucumbers are the gateway drug.

Dude.

Beav started school on Monday and he started it in a crash of mashed bumper and adrenalin. Poor kid, he had a fender bender on his way to school. I felt terrible. I felt terrible for him when he called me panicked about to cry as I stood outside a patient’s room about to panic and cry myself because I was in a rare situation of  trying to care for a patient who was so flippin’ sick I wasn’t sure what to do next.  One of the things I hate about my job is I can’t just drop it and leave. I can’t hang up the phone, grab my purse and leave.  Thank goodness Ward answered his phone and was able to help Beav.  For those of you who have followed along, this is not my first Boy Wrecks Car rodeo.  Fortunately, Beav’s accident wasn’t as dramatic or stupid as Wally’s.  But wow. What a way to start the first day of your senior year in high school.  Especially for the kid who tries to do everything right because he is in the shadow of a brother who is his own worst enemy.

Beav shares with me the legacy of catastrophic thinking. I know when he called me he was making the leap to “I don’t have a car so I have to quit my job but I love my job.” and “I’m going to have a mark on my driving record so I’m not going to get into my first choice college.”  Neither of which are remotely rooted in reality. If he doesn’t get into his first choice it won’t be because he has a 2 point ticket and he won’t lose his job because he has enough vacation time to cover missed shifts while his car is in the shop plus Ward and I can function as a unit when one of our sons really needs us.  We can’t stand each other most of the time but when shit hits the fan, we deal and do it and move on.

Beav was also sure this would color his entire senior year. This was a more understandable leap.  Sure he’s 18 but he still lives in the moment.  I bit the bullet and decided to tell a story on myself and how I started my senior year.  My friend Keith compares those late days of ’78 to an “ABC After School Special” and he’s not exaggerating.  To make a long ancient and tired story short: my 2.5 year boyfriend whom I was IN LOVE WITH OMG I LOVED HIM SO MUCH and I had sex a few days before school started. The night before school started he broke up with me and announced he was OMG I”M IN LOVE WITH ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS.  (I left the whole sex thing out when I told Beav. Because ewww)

I was a good girl. I was saving myself. I saved myself and then he dumped me.

Did I mention most of my friends knew he was hot for my friend?  Did I mention I lost a few friends that first day of senior year?

I don’t remember too much about those first few weeks of school. I was in a daze of grief and loneliness. I didn’t dare tell my mother why I was so upset (outside of the breaking up thing) because she would have shamed me in ways I was already shaming myself.  But thank goodness I had other friends who reached out to me and helped put me back together. I’m also blessed we’re still friends and someday I owe them BIG TIME if they need to be put back together.  I get to see one of these friends this weekend.

I told Beav this story to try and impress upon him everything–even fender benders–happens at the time it happens for a reason. Even if that reason is your mom has to take you to school so she can mimick  a fake phone conversation  a girl wearing shorts that look like denim bathing suit bottoms is having with her mother.  Lies told to a mother who was either asleep or already gone when she left the house for school: “What am I wearing? GAWD MOM, I’m wearing my skirt and Toms! WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M WEARING?  –THOSE SHORTS YOU TOLD ME NOT TO WEAR????!!!! WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME!!! I HATE YOU!”  Your mom’s monologue makes you laugh so hard you have to sit in the car for a minute so no one sees the tears on your cheeks and for a minute or two you forget about the ticket and the hole in the radiator.

It’s gonna be ok.

That title is gonna be a “great” keyword search, eh? I can’t wait to see the spam. But I really couldn’t think of a better way to describe these websites geared for women just like me. There are about a billion great Mommy Blogs on the ‘net but the middle-aged among us aren’t as prolific. I’m sure some of this is because Baby Boomers are immigrants into this crazy generation of electronic information and my generation The Original Gen X is a bit silenced by the older and the younger generations which bookend us. My generation is the misunderstood middle child. But these ladies are trying to put an end to that and giving women like me a voice.

Aging Backwards is a site devoted to healthy aging naturally. Jackie’s site is devoted to the whole woman: mind/body/spirit.

Country Wives is like spending an evening with your rowdiest and wisest friends. All three are great storytellers with that ribald sense of humor. The three wives were young women together in London and now live in different parts of England. They share parenting stories, recipes, and naughty bits.

Middle-Aged Diva shares everything from shopping tips to thought-provoking musings about what it means to age. Her style is light and witty. I like the short daily pieces and they make for a nice “brain break” when I’m at work.

I found Aging Abundantly when my Dad was ill this winter and her articles about caring for her mother made me feel a little less alone. Dorothy’s site is a celebration of the second half of life and I’m glad the Baby Boomers are showing us how it’s done with an honest grace.

So I’m officially out of the Mommy Blogger business because I’m not a mommy anymore! Beav turns 18 today and to celebrate this auspicious occasion the same guy who had his head up my woo-haa is gonna have it up there again this morning!

And what better way to celebrate the delivery of your last born than with a pap smear. I just hope the speculum doesn’t do as much damage as Beav’s head did! IYKNWIMAIKYD